unless stated, none of these photos were taken by me
4:47 pm - 11.16.05
the early onset of bah humbug
But I may not be able to see Susie tonight because of it. I know it's hard to drive on icy roads, especially at night...but by my logic she's going to have to drive through a blizzard eventually just to get to work or visit family; so why not come see me tonight?
Feh, I'm selfish, I know, I wants her all to myself.
I almost fell into the meddling trap again, it's so easy. You want the best for your friends, and so you dodge freewill and try to nudge things...and I almost got into that mess again.
I'm falling out of love with the Tarot again. This happens every few years, so I put them all away, and stop trying to read the Universe.
I'm feeling the world slowing down for winter, but I'm not ready to slow down. I'm getting tired a lot earlier, the bear in me wants to hibernate.
Cute scruffy boy sitting near me, I should be imaginging his cock, his tight ass; but all I can imagine is how warm his body would be, snuggled close to mine. I'm lonely, she's lonely too; we've got the sex part figured out...but it's the more, that we don't have. I want more than sweaty friction, I want a living teddybear in my bed tonight, someone to hold, someone who will hold me.
Why did Stanley reach out to me? Why did he flirt with me, so intensly? He made me want him, and I can't have him! I can't have Adam either, but he still teased me, led me on.
It's a crazy fucked up world, it seems a lot of gay men find guys more attractive when they're not interested. Maybe I should just be a cold fish, dance my big butt off, and deny them all. Yeah, then the offers will be far too many, my calendar will be filled again.
And I'll still be totally alone, just wanting one man, one man to open his fucking heart up to me!
There's opnly 4 gay men who read the Ithsmus personals, I'm one of them. At least it seems that way.