unless stated, none of these photos were taken by me
7:20 - 04-19-06
my rage right now
a woman who gave birth to me, does not deserve to be called a mother right now. a mother is nuturing, considerate, and thoughtful. all things my breeder hasn't been!
Last night I wrote an entry, it'll be below this one, I was so pissed at her, I didn't mention what she had done.
There's a shelf next to my computer, it has been my place to store important papers, documents, things I lost and didn't want to lose again. It also held several breakable statues and knick knacks that meant a lot to me.
So I come home from my dissasterous outing, and find that she has packed everything on the shelf into a series of garbage bags!
Who wants to hold her down while I beat the fucxking shit out of her! I need to get out of here. I will hurt her, I will throw all of her belongings onto the front lawn, I will kill her.
I get angry, let her know with a great spewing of profanity that I'm not happy by what she's done, and guess what? She laughs! She thinks it's hilarious.
Mothers who read this, NEVER CLEAN YOUR CHILD'S ROOM WITHOUT THEIR EXPLICIT CONTRACTURAL PERMISSION, THEY WILL FEEL SO VIOLATED AND ABUSED, THEY WILL SEEK REVENGE, AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE WHAT THEY DO.
All the christian sentiment goes out the window, our spirits become throwers of fire and brimstone justice, an eye for an eye, I'm definately ready to cast the first stone!
No maternal love will protect you, your sons and your daughters will turn on you so fast you won't know what hit you. DO NOT TOUCH OUR STUFF!
She unplugged my alarm clock. Why in any universe of sense would someone do that? I didn't have it on? The alarm wasn't set? Why would she unplug it?
My certified birth certificaqte was sitting out in the living room, but before iot was sitting on MY shelf, with MY driver permit applkication, both of them were together on MY shelf. But now they're seperated, the application is somewhere in one of the bags. Great idea mom, great plan, good thinking there. I need both of those things to get a fucking drivers lisence!
that application was the only physical record of me passing my drivers test.
She's never going to explain any of this. I'm never going to hear any reason behind this. Eventually I'll let it go, forget about it. Mut in my opbsessive mind, the scar will always be there.
8:39 - 04-18-06
i changed my pants in the park toilet
I'm home now.
That's right, a day early.
Yesterday was not fun.
Liz was in a horrible mood, Johnny was in a horrible mood. And Dino was a inconsiderate scatter brained idiot as always, he forgot to show up. So Liz and I finally get on the road at 2:15, she's falling asleep at the wheel, swerving all over the place, bitching at everyone, and me. And I'm freaking out, cause we're going to get there at 3:00, Clayton has to be at work by 4:00 and I wanted some daylight time to explore the fucking city I'm going to be living in.
Then she has the nerve to say that the best time to find a job is in the morning! Well, I would've loved to have been there in the fucking morning, but that wasn't logical to you.
So I get there, to the hotel, and it gets worse. Because of some vast communication breakdown, the rooms is apparently $60 a NIGHT, NOT FOR BOTH NIGHTS LIKE THE FUCKING BITCH TOLD ME ON THE FUCKING PHONE!!!!!
So I paid for one night. Great, fine. The room was nice though.
I over packed, so I have this huge suitcase on wheels, plus a shopping bag full of crap from Savers, and a box of mismatched food that Clayton thrust into my arms for no apparent reason. A sausage as big as my thight, a dozen hard-bioled easter eggs, a box of gobstoppers, and some stroopies (waffle cookies soaked in maple syrup and carmel). Basically, Ulcer in a Box.
I didn't want to cart all this stuff around the next day, so I ate everything except the sausage.
Later on I see Clayton at the truckstop, and he says he'll find a way to pay for my extra night. And he really really tried, he was calling in so many favors. And then he tried winning some money on the slot machines, and he's usually really good. But not this time.
I might be able to get a job at Kwik Trip. I guess it's something, right?
Was it a complete waste of $100? Yes.
Two days I can't get back.
My aplogies to Chris and Lynn, they were kind enough to give me a ride home on their very special 6th month anniversary. I wasn't very congenial. And I was just rather rude to my Mom.
She was trying to help, but didn't really think things through.
5:19 - 04-17-06
Mountains and Rivers
Today is going to be a crazy day. So in ode to crazyness, I've done away with the busy layout, and made a simple hot n' sexy layout.
I'm going to Lake Mills, to stay two nights in a hotel there. But before that, I'm going with Liz and Johnny on a crazy shopping adventure.
Johnny is a nice guy, he's a bachelor mooch, but otherwise he's not all that bad. He was on Jeopardy late last year, he did okay too. He doesn't usually come with me and Liz for our Monday shopping rituals. He needs pet food. So it goes.
Liz, Johnny, and me in a car.... it's a powder keg with a very short fuse. So I'm going to keep my mouth shut, I'm going to let them whine, bitch, rant, cuss, and generally annoy the fuck out of eachother without a poke from me.
After this bit o' fun, the plan is to return Johnny to his house, then return to Liz's place. Pick up Dino, then go to Lake Mills, around 1:00.
Dino is a sweetheart, adorable, intelligent, if he wasn't such a scatter-brained whirlwind of OCD energy, I'd maybe fall in love with him.
We're not getting into LM until after 2:00, mark my words.
When I do get there, I'm immediately dropping everything off, and taking a walk downtown to scout job locations. I'll only have a few hours before things begin to close. Fuck.
Tuesday I'll have the whole day to go exploring. I hope I can find work somewhere decent.
I talked to Clayton the other night, and he's not quite ready for me to move in yet, but he has a plan. There's a hotel there, each room is fully furnished, and you can stay there for like $280 a month. I'm not exactly thrilled by this idea, but he wants to put me up there until he get's things settled. As for all my crap, it'll go into storage.
May isn't going to be an easy month.