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From time to time images are mysteriously deleted by Photofuckit, I cannot stop this. Whenever possible, I will do my best to alter entries with missing images.

7:27 am - 11.27.04
The Great Mashed Potato Potluck
So lets go back in time for a moment, Tuesday was "Chicken Night" at Club 5, the dance floor is quarrantined for the 18-20yo gay boys to dance and drink sodas.
So I find out my online buddy White Wolf/John is coming down from Baraboo with some other friends to go to Club 5. I haven't met him yet, so I told him I'd be there.
During that day I had gone to the store to buy some food stuffs, and the girl at the checkout, her name was Lindsey, and I had just met a Lindsay at a Thanksgiving party at Karyl's friend's house. And I have been meaning to call her to hang out, so I took that as a sign.
So when I got home, I called her, and she had just got home from Fencing practice. Anywho she was thinking of me that day too. So I asked her if she wanted to go to the club. I don't live far from Club 5, I can walk there in about 25min, and I was planning on walking anyways, I just figed she'd meet me over there. She lives over near me, so she sorta offered me a ride and I said okay, but then she starts jokin' that that's the reason I called her.
Let the record show, I really wanted to hang out with her, ride or not. :)

So she comes by, in a great big Dodge Dakota *grunts like Tim Allen*, very roomy inside. And she has this pic of Legolas under the seat console. It's a joke from her friends, something like, he's cute, will go anywhere with you, and never says a word!

At the club, John pulls up into the parking lot at the same time we do. I had to ask him several times if it was him, because between him and his online pic there was a big diff. For instance, in person he's so much hotter *drool*
But he was acting really odd, like he wouldn't greet me in the parking lot, not even a handshake. Even inside talking to him was like pulling teeth.

So finally after about an hour of having fun conversation with Lindsay, and none with John, the good music starts, all the cute skinny twinky boys all get busy on the dance floor, and I ready to get out there. But John and his friends Amy and Jody are hugging the table. And Lidsay hurt her leg during fencing practice, so I'm not going to just leave her at the table while I shake my groove thang. She says she's getting tired, and next time we should meet someplace quieter. Clubs and Bars are fun if you're with friends, but if you're alone , I can't stand them. My attention was divided too, John was being a shut-mouth, so I was trying to probe him, and my feet were itching to dance, and I'm freaked out about women my age. Lindsay has a bf so it's not about that, I just get freaky, I find one thing to say or do that works, and I do it too much.

So she leaves, and John disappears for a long time with Jody, I have no idea where they went. So it's just me and Amy, I've only heard about her through John and Shane (they used to date). She just turned 18, first time in a club like this. So in a round about way I asked her if she wanted to dance? And after telling her I had no clue how to dance either, we went out and had fun. She's a nice girl.

John reappears some time later, again odd aloofness. We do talk a lil, but not much, I dance a lot, look at gorgeous beautiful boys. I had brought my Tarot cards with me, and offered a reading to Amy. So did a few readings for her, and attracted some attention from some of the boys. One talked to me afterwards, I forget his name, but I did give him my card. He looked to be about 19-20, glasses, long black hair, kinda punk. Anyways, I hope he calls, I want to meet more people sincerely interested in the Tarot.
At about 1 in the morning I'm getting tired, and John and his friends are thinking of leaving. I didn't want to ask for a ride, but stupid me I didn't bring a coat, and it was cold that night. But they don't pick up the hint, and I get a cold/protective vibe from Jody, the driver, so I just leave. As I'm walking out the door, in walks Ray. He turns around, gives me a quick "hello" then rushes inside. He's still a hottie, but that boy is trouble. He stirs up drama wherever he goes, and I get to caught up in my lovelust for him, so I didn't go after him.
I thought I had heard someone calling to me from the parking lot several times, but when I turned I saw no one. So I gave up, and kept walking. I was in a great mood, dancing gives me a lot of energy, even though it wrecks my body. I was thinking of going to Copps to see if Andre was working, I was building up the courage to ask him out for tea/coffee, but when I got there, he wasn't working. He may have been at Club 5. That woulda been funny.


Ok, Wednesday I wake up with a leg cramp from hell, it's still with me on Thanksgiving Day. I think I shimmied when I should have shoop-da-shooped. After Mom leaves, I'm crabby, so I lay on the couch, nursing the cramp, watching Santa roll by Macy's. Then onto the Bond Movie Marathon.
And guess who calls?

Will :)

He's calling all his friends, wishing them a Happy Thanksgiving. We talk a bit about stuff, I tell him about the Taropoly game, and he tells me he's going to a thanksgiving potluck at Unity church. Which is totally awesome, cause Unity is my fav church in town, next to the Unitarian church on the west side.
Unity is a differant view on christianity, a radical view, kinda pagan, kinda buddhist, it's a lil of everything. It's a very NOW church. During services they meditate, sometimes they'll have mini music recitals, interpretive dance. They find interesting ways of worshipping christ's mission of peace.

I get ready to go to the potluck, I was ready to go that morning with my Mom, but you already know that story. Will shows up, and off we go. He looks good, still an adorable furry bear man. Still wearing the elusive rainbow bracelet. At this point I still have no idea if he's gay. He's still so affectionate and intense, so it's hard to read his intentions.

We get to Unity, there's a group of guys playing football on the front lawn. One of them was really hot, blond hair, ken doll body and face, mmmmm. My leg is really hurting, I have to walk with a limp, cause I can't even stretch it out.
Since I was last at Unity, the pastors had changed, so I met him and his wife, Shanti (I can't remember his name, I thought it was John, but maybe William?). And Carl was there, so that was cool to see him again.
Carl asked me if I liked Mashed Potatoes, and I was like yeah. Apparently like 8 ppl brought Mashed Potatoes!!! It reminded me of another potluck I was at, where a lot of ppl brought green bean casserole.

They were still setting up tables and chairs. It was a small group, maybe about 20. So very intimate, easy to share conversation with. The pastor's hoped it would be bigger next year, which is nice to welcome others, but I like to keep things small.
We did a short prayer circle, blessing the food and the gathering of friends, then we got into the food.

I sampled from about 5 of the mashed potatoes, had some turkey, and some casseroles. I was a bit dissapointed though, no one had brought stuffing. And that's my fav, next to jellied cranberry sauce!
I just looked at the clock, I've been writting this entry for 3 hours!

We all ate well, I sat between Will and Carl, so enjoyed good conversation with them. Another woman I sorta knew was there too, but her name escapes me. She has a lot of raven crone energy around her, I think she would be a terrific medicine woman, if she could just have more faith in herself.

After food, the pastors broke out song sheets and guitars and dulcimers. We started with This Land Is Your Land, all the verses! I knew the first two, but I had never heard the other 4-5. Some of the other songs we sang, Swing Low Sweet Chariot, I Love The Mountains, How Great Thou Art (requested by Will), I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing (I'd Like To Buy The World a Coke, my request), Give Yourself To Love (a truly beautiful song no one had ever heard of), Danny Boy, For The Beauty of the Earth (a fav from my United Methodist days), Turn Turn Turn, If I Had a Hammer (we sung this way too slow, me and Will kept trying to sing faster), and finally, We Shall Overcome.

After songs, they moved the tables back, so Shanti could show everyone and Lattvian dance of Thanks and Peace. I decided to man the CD player, instead of hobbling on the floor.
The story behind the dance was really interesting, I'm going to try my best to retell it.
Lattvia is located just outside of Chernobyl (I know you know where that is). The Lattvians had a rich culture, full of music and dancing. They would go out into the woods near their village and dance in praise and in fellowship. When the tradgedy at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant happened, great amounts of radiation leaked into the local ecosystem. Acid rain fell on many of the cities and towns around the area, including Lattvia. But where the Lattvian's were hurt the most, was when the government closed off their beloved forest, because of the high levels of toxic radiation left from the rain.
The Lattvian people could no longer dance and sing among the trees. They feared the death of their culture. So they made sure their children knew their dances, and they found new ways to celebrate. One woman, who was travelling through the area, doing relief work, wrote a song for one of their dances.

The dance is very simple, again, I will try to recall it for you. You stand in a circle and hold hands. Every move is on a four beat count. First you turn so your back is facing the person behind you, and you walk backwards four steps, then you turn back in, and sway back and forth, four times (starting with your right). Then you walk forwards, four steps, stop, and again sway four times. Now you all take four steps into the center, you should all be close together, and you sway again, four times. Then you take four steps back, and sway four times. That is the cycle. You do the whole thing about 4 times, and when the music stops, you are at the point where everyone is at the center. If you have any prayers for loved ones or world peace, you send those out in that moment.

The song was beautiful, moving, and it really goes very well with the dance. If I can get the artist info, I'll post it here.

After that, people started cleaning up, and getting ready to go. I pretty much sat in the back, trying to stay out of people's way.

So Will had this new Tarot deck he wanted to show me, so we were going to go back to his house, then maybe to a coffee shop, but we ended up staying at his place, which was a much better deal. His apartment is like the lil 4plex I used to live it, I think his is actually bigger, but it's probably just a differant floorplan. He decorates with a lot of fine art pieces, lotsa Van Gogh, and a lot of Chines fans and scrolls, reds, blacks, whites (the Celtic Colors of Life, Abundance, and Protection). And he has a kitty! A big bucket of fur, a black n' white, named Felix. He was such a love bug, I enjoyed cuddling with him. And he gave me so many licky kisses, and a love bite! All cat owners do the cat test, if your cat loves the company, they're good people. I was respectful of Will's boundaries, even when he took off his shirt right in front of me *sigh* He had a tank top underneath, but still it was nice to see a real man's body. It's been a long time.

He has a great sound system, though he likes to play it very loud, so that took some getting used to. His music collection is impressive too. He gave me this special water, it had all these flower essences and other life stuff in it, anyways it was damn good water. Kinda like Fiji water. The kind of water that wakes you up.

I've been writting this for 4 hours now.

We did a bunch of really powerful readings, I felt like our energies are really compadible. He talked about his relationship with Lori, and he mentioned his past by now I'm getting the idea that he's more hetero than not. But he's totally respectful of me, and never acts uncomfortable around me at all. I brought up a dream I had had in HS, and it involved some gay sexual themes, and he didn't even flinch, which is very refreshing.

I haven't had many friendships with men. The ones with gay men ultimately lead to either sex, or some uncomfort because of desire. Or with str8 guys, it's always about joking flirting, teasing, and frustration. But so far that's not an issue with him. He doesn't incite my gay fire, he's just Will. He's attractive, but he doesn't go out of his way to fake flirt, which can sometimes be fun, but if it never goes anywhere, it just stinks.

After the readings, it was getting kind of late, so I thought he'd be kicking me out. But no instead he makes me a wonderful chicken sandwich, very tender. Then we watch TV, I get to introduce him to Adult Swim, which he had never seen before. Possibly because he doesn't stay up that late usually.
Fullmetal Alchemist was a new Anime, that AS picked up, and luckily they showed the first episoed that night! It looks like a good series, very pagan.

I've been watching Wolf's Rain, and reruns of ummm, that Witch hunter show I can't think of the name...Also the Ghost in the Shell spinoff. I'm getting tired, so I'm going to close this soon.

Will showed me some private parts of himself that night, I feel honored to know him, as a friend.

When he was doing a reading for himself, about his life issues, I asked him to pull an extra card, but I didn't tell him why at first. I wanted to know where I was in his life, and the card was the Three of Swords. Which means, Will and Lori has a preexisting life path, that I cannot interfere with, no matter my feelings for Will. If I made any move towards him, I would not only jeopardise his relationship with Lori, it may as well destroy any connection I have with Will. Now is not the time, and many it never will be.

When he was driving me home, I finally asked him about the rainbow bracelet. He bought it at Earth Dance of all places! He was apparently there with his drum and the two girls, I would later meet the following weekend at Pagan Pride Day. He bought the bracelet at Earth Dance, to him it symbolised the chakras.
I mentioned that I thought he wore it for gay pride, and he said that was not his original intent, but he does supports the gay community.

I was destined to meet him, but not for the reasons I thought. He will be a great friend, and a teacher. It's just frustrating, I see in him all the qualities I would look for in a lover. :)


Last night I made stuffing, and I ate some of it with jellied cranberry sauce!



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